well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
