garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
