you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
