i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize