remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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