Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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