She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
