tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
