yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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