dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
