You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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