Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
