I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
