Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
