would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
