i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
