new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
