DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
