At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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