can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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