I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I said "one day" and that day is not today
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
