if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
