we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
