we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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