Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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