And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
