My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
