last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im holly from the hills drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Randomize
