i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize