I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
