It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
