just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
