I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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