hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
