I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize