Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
