you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
