____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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