Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
