idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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