one two three fourrrrnication!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just high enough for therapy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
