Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
