pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
