the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
