Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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