does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
