weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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