I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
