Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
