Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
