I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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