Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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