I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Terrible idea I love it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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