Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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