Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
