hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
