bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
