I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
