Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
