new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
