Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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