I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize