Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
