Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
