wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
