are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
where does the pee come out of this thing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
