i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
