I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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