The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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